can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
