If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is Oprah even human
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
