I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize