i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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