I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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