i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
