I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
