I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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