Jerry, you need to find god
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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