literally had 100 drinks last night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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