Sacagawea was the original milf.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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