It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
