My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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