My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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