the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Two words: blizzard sex
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
