i think my tv is drunk
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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