Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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