her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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