All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He kissed a someone with a penis
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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