there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
