I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
