At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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