I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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