you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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