Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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