you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
