dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
