yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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