He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
