I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
