Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
