'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As shirtless as possible
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
