did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
