Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
