I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Of course I have a pirate flag
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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