just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
