i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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