I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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