Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
