I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
