I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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