You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
