I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
