apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
