So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
