party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
