omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
