do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
