alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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