i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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