i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
