The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
