put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
