i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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