Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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