Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
