If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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