No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
