just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
