It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
