Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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