we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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