She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
