I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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