she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
