Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
