Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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