the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
