The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
