Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
