like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
