2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
