he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize