Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize