pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
