May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
