I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
