You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
