I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize