i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
