how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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