she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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