So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
