I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize