yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
