1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
