i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
