airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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